A recent Wall Street Journal article shared some of the findings of an incredible 85-year-old (and counting) study known as the Harvard Study of Adult Development. The study started with an original group of 724 men and now has followed more than 1, 300 of their male and female descendants. It is in its third generation of study subjects, asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements on what make them happy and healthy. The Journal article highlighted the lifelong power of close relationships, noting that “the people who were most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest, mentally and physically, at age 80.” The Harvard study results line up with other long-term surveys, adding to a large and growing body of data showing a truth that we have known: relationships with other humans are critical to health and well being. Other longitudinal studies looking for common factors for those who lived into their 90s and beyond have discovered the three most common factors are: staying engaged in community, close relationships with others, and belief in a greater power.

We need each other to remain healthy.

The stories brought to mind something that happened to a friend of ours that made the news. Our friend had heard a doctor on television saying, “the best thing you can do for your health is to walk. Get out and walk everyday.” The doctor also said it is better if you walk with someone. It was something that she already knew. She had been walking every day for years. Her walking became even more important when the Pandemic forced the shut-down of so many activities. One day someone started riding her bike around her as she walked. Pretty soon they began to talk. Later she took her bike home and the pair began walking together. They became fast friends. The other person was a ten-year old girl, who told her parents about her new friend. She spoke of this friend day after day and her parents became curious. Was it one of the little girls down the street? They asked how old her new friend was. The ten-year-old surprised her parents by saying, “She’s 92-years-old.” Before long our friend had met and become friends with the girl’s parents. The friendship and practice of walking together outdoors of a 10-year-old and a 92-year-old made the local news.

That was two years ago. Our friend is 94 now. Knowing her, I’m sure she continues to keep contact with the growing girl. Knowing her, I’m sure she is open to new friendships with other people as well.

When I think of the things that give my life meaning and joy, one of the things at the top of my list is forming friendships with children. Fortunately for me, I have a life-long partner who also enjoys spending time with children. Like many other older couples, we get great delight from spending time with our grandchildren. We occasionally provide short-term childcare for our grandchildren. They enjoy coming to our home and playing with the toys we keep for such occasions. We enjoy visiting their home and seeing the projects that interest them. Our soon to be 12-year-old grandson is a hard worker and I enjoy doing projects with him on their farm. Several years ago, when we were visiting during a sabbatical, I was building a fence at their place. I’d get up early in the morning to dig post holes because it was cooler. As soon as I’d start digging, our grandson would pop out of the house to help. He’s still that way. If I have a project and he has the time, we both enjoy working side by side. He is learning to use tools and is getting pretty good with a paint brush.

I will, however, have to make more friends as the years go by. By the time I’m 92, he’ll be in his thirties. Perhaps I’ll be lucky and be a great grandfather by then.

Forging healthy relationships with people who are different ages is one of the great benefits of participation in the life of a church. We get to know the children of the church and their parents because the church has many intergenerational activities. For us, we have the added benefit of working as faith formation ministers and having responsibility for planning and leading programs for people of all ages including children.

How else would I have found out what Brennon’s third favorite dinosaur is? For the record it is not one of the dinosaurs named by archeologists, but rather an imaginary creature. He drew me a picture so I could see what he was talking about.

Of course we have to be honest and careful about the history of the church where children were not always honored. There is an awful history of abuse of children that has taken place in the church. Knowing that history has helped the congregations with whom we work to forge intentional and careful policies and procedures to protect the safety of all persons. Our background screening and safe child policies are critical to providing a place where people of all ages can form significant relationships while still assuring the safety of everyone.

I have gone through periods of worrying about family members and friends who have isolated themselves from children. Seniors often find themselves living in places where there are no children. The pandemic intensified this isolation. Many facilities were locked down and residents were not allowed visitors. I wonder about how we traded the health benefits of relationships with others for the isolation required for infection control. Certainly the lock downs were only marginally successful at controlling the pandemic. Those in institutions still became sick.

Fortunately for our friend and for us, we are still healthy enough to walk. We get outside and explore our neighborhood every day. Like our friend, I hope we continue to be on the lookout for new friends. Doing so can be a lifesaving exercise.