Last night in the conversation that preceded a small group discussion, members of our church were talking about long-term friends. Several participants in the group had stories of friends with whom they had been close for decades. On member told of receiving a phone call from a college roommate with whom she is still very close. The conversation got me to thinking about some very good friends. I have friends from my high school, college, and seminary years. I have friends from each of the communities where I have served as a pastor. There was a fascinating connection between two of my friends yesterday that brought a smile to my face.

A college friend who grew up a couple of doors down the street from my wife’s family home has had a life that has paralleled mine in many ways. We are only one day apart in age. We both are married to women who are ordained ministers. We were both ordained in the same year and served local congregations for all of our careers. We both retired during the covid pandemic. His last Sunday in the pulpit before retirement was the same day as mine. Over the years we have both shared similar political perspectives. From our college years he has been just a bit more outspoken than I, but I have almost always agreed with his point of view.

A friend who we first met when we went to North Dakota to interview at the first church of our career is another person with whom I’ve kept up over the years. I worked for him as my boss for a few years as I was getting started as a pastor and needed a bit of supplemental income for my family. His wife was the nurse in the delivery room when our son was born. Susan and I officiated at the wedding of his daughter. I officiated at the funerals of his mother and a brother-in-law. We kept in touch for the decade that Susan and I lived in Idaho and when we returned to South Dakota we would occasionally get together for a meal when he and his wife were in Rapid City. We always had plenty to talk about. Over the decades we learned to tread lightly when it came to politics. His views are very different from mine. I’m certain that we have voted differently in each presidential election since we met. We used to argue about politics a bit, but as we have aged, we have found that our friendship is more important than our political differences and often avoid political topics when we are together.

Then, last night, on his Facebook feed, the second friend - the one from North Dakota - posted a quote from the first friend - the one who is a minister. I did a double take. How could these two have paths that crossed? My college friend lives in Maine and has never lived in North Dakota. My North Dakota friend has always lived in the same town where he was born. The two have political views that are very different. But there it was - a quote and the name of my college friend in a box on the home page of my other friend. More interesting, the quote was reposted after having been posted by another person whom I met 44 years ago. To be fair that person is a lifelong friend of my North Dakota friend, so it isn’t strange that he reposted something that had appeared on the other person’s Facebook feed.

Thinking about it, I suppose that the quote traveled from Maine to North Dakota on United Methodist Church channels. My college friend is a United Methodist minister. In fact he is a sixth generation Methodist minister. My North Dakota Friend joined a Methodist church after the United Church of Christ congregation in his hometown closed years ago. I wouldn’t surprise me for the quote from my Methodist pastor friend to have appeared in a church bulletin or a social media post that was shared by many United Methodist Church members. He is well known in the church, having presented at national conventions and meetings of the church. He is a wise and respected elder among Methodist clergy. He also is a poet and songwriter, whose words are memorable and often quoted.

I sometimes there are things that I deeply believe that I don’t share in certain contexts because I fear that they will cause controversy. I want to remain friends with those with whom I disagree. I don’t want to destroy a friendship over a political point of view. At the same time, there are issues for which I feel called to take a stand and be a witness. Issues like racism, poverty, and climate justice are far too important for me to remain silent.

Reading my friend’s words on my other friend’s Facebook feed got me to thinking that it isn’t what we say as much as how we say it. If we can find a point of connection with another human being, if we can empathize with that person and connect on a deep level, then we are able to witness to the truth as we see it without damaging a relationship. Throughout my career, I have felt a deep freedom to speak from the pulpit precisely because I developed a close relationship to the people I served. I knew them and understood how they would react to my words. When I was called to take a stand, I felt the support of those I served.

These are the words that appeared in the Facebook Post:

“Halloween: a day when we get it right.
Strangers come to us,
beautiful, ugly, odd or scary,
and we accept them all without question,
compliment them, treat them kindly,
and give them good things.
Why don’t we live like that?”
Steve Garnass-Holmes

The response was:

“By far the best statement I’ve seen in quite some time. Maybe ever. Why can’t we live like Halloween?”

I agree.