I didn’t pay much attention, but I think that our mother made Macaroni and Cheese by melting Velveeta Cheese over a bowl of freshly cooked elbow macaroni. I know that I liked macaroni and cheese as a child. By the time our children were at the phase where they were eating macaroni and cheese, it was simple and inexpensive to buy a package with the macaroni and a powdered cheese. You added milk and butter and stirred it all up. I know our daughter once had a day when macaroni and cheese was all she ate. The same menu for three meals. Responsible parents probably don’t give into their children’s requests, but it made her happy and she was a healthy child. I know I’ve made macaroni and cheese for some of our grandchildren for breakfast because I am usually the breakfast cook when they visit and I like to ask people what they want for breakfast. Making macaroni and cheese is a pretty simple cooking task. The kind we keep on hand at our house has a foil pouch with pre-mixed cheese sauce. Boil the pasta, drain, squeeze the sauce out of the packet and stir.

I know that there are lots of recipes out there for making fancy cheese sauce for macaroni. I’ve heard that cheddar, parmesan and gruyere is the best combination. Others say cheddar, gouda, and gruyere. I’ve been known to use the cheese from a bag of pre-shredded cheese sold as “Mexican blend,” melt it, add a bit of milk and call it good. I’m not one of the folks who spends a lot of money or a lot of time coming up with the perfect cheese sauce when it comes to mac and cheese. I don’t mind a few bread crumbs on top baked to crunchy perfection, but I don’t bother when the kids like the stuff from the box as their preferred version.

Here is the deal: It takes longer to cook pasta at high altitude. Anything that is prepared by boiling takes longer because water boils at a lower temperature at altitude than it does at sea level. So when the box says to boil the pasta for 7 - 9 minutes, seven will work here in our new home by the sea. It takes closer to nine in Rapid City and up at the church camp where we cooked for two summers, you’d better allow 10 or 11 minutes to boil pasta.

Cooking dried pasta has never been a problem for me.

That is one reason that I don’t think I’d be a very good judge. I read that a Florida woman has sued Kraft Heinz Foods Company for $5 million, claiming that the microwaveable cups marketed by the firm take too long to prepare. The law suit notes that the cup of Velveeta Shells and Cheese, says “ready in 3.5 minutes.” The plaintiff says it takes longer. The advertised time does not include the time it takes to open the lid and sauce pouch, adding water and stirring. If I were the judge in the case, I’d probably roll my eyes and say, “Seriously?” Someone who has time to file a lawsuit over the amount of time it takes to open the package, add water and stir probably has too much time on their hands. Otherwise they’d never come up with the idea of going to court over such a silly amount of time.

I’m sort of curious about the lawyer who helped the woman prepare the suit. How did they come up with $5 million? I know that the amount of money in a law suit is based on what is deemed to cause punishment to a large corporation not the amount of damage caused, but the amount seems to be driven at least as much by the greed of the lawyer as it is by the greed of the woman who has the complaint.

There are people who have serious complaints to bring before the courts. People have been injured by food poisoning caused by negligence in food preparation. Others have been injured in automobile accidents that they did not cause. There are people who have been damaged by landlords who didn’t honor rental agreements. There are companies who are trying to collect money that others agreed to pay. There are lots of reasons why courts need to exist and help bring justice. Do we really need to tie up our courts with a complaint about how long it takes to prepare microwave food?

I once testified in a custody dispute between parents who had divorced. My role in the case was very minor. An attorney asked me a few questions about church attendance that were easy to answer. There was no cross examination. My testimony was part of testimony that was spread over three days of hearings at the courthouse. Both parties had lawyers who had prepared their cases and who represented them in court. When the judgment was rendered, the change in the custody agreement was the shift of one day from one parent to the other and a change in the child support payments of $100 per year. If I had been the judge, I think I would have rolled my eyes and said, “Seriously?” Instead of a court hearing, the couple should have been ordered to go into a room without any lawyers and come to an agreement. If they were incapable of doing that task perhaps the court should reconsider whether or not shared custody was working.

I guess that the macaroni and cheese package could drop the words “ready in 3.5 minutes” from the package. In its place they might put, “ready quick enough that you aren’t tempted to eat it without cooking,” or “most people can prepare this in 5 minutes or so,” or “it might take you longer to read the instructions than to prepare the food.”

I’m pretty sure that in addition to not being a good judge, I wouldn’t be very good at creating marketing slogans, either.