I’ve taken to saying, “I flunked retirement,” when talking about my current situation. That isn’t really accurate and I think I’m going to quit saying it. There are all kinds of ways of looking at our retirement as ministers after 42 years of full-time ministry. After 25 years as pastors in Rapid City, it was time to move on from that congregation. The congregation needed to discover its identity apart from us. It hasn’t been easy for the congregation. They have not found the candidates for minister that they need. The shortage of pastors is real and they have discovered that a nation-wide search turns up candidates who do not want to move to South Dakota. Still, the congregation is discovering leadership and strength that was not apparent during our time as pastors. The commitment of members is much deeper than a personality cult. They are committed to their church beyond the personality of the leader. New leaders are emerging.

For us, the change of pace was initially exhilarating. We needed to downsize and we had time to sort our possessions in preparation for moving. That task is unfinished as are many in our lives, but we have made significant progress. For decades decisions about where to live were made by the needs of the church. I often said that I spent my career looking for a call in Montana and finding that there was no call for me in Montana. I never did serve a congregation in Montana, even though I submitted applications to several positions there. Discerning the difference between what I want and what God wants has always been a challenge for me and the search for pastoral call has been a place where I have learned that there is more to listening to God’s call than just thinking about what I wanted to do. Still, as our children grew up and moved away from home, the desire to live near to them continued to influence me. Our decision to move close to where our son lives has brought some surprises, but it has been a good one.

We sort of fell into our current half time interim position. The church we had joined was experiencing the ending of a 20-year ministry and needed time to evaluate and discern direction. The position seemed to be a good match for our skills. I find it to be just the right amount of work for my energies. It gives me time for many other things, but I still am engaged in meaningful work. It is always hard to set boundaries in part time work. I have never known exactly when I am working and when I am not. I’m not by personality inclined to punch a time clock. I like to do a job and not worry about how much time it takes. We try to define our work by which days we go to the office at the church. Three days a week - Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday - we drive to the office and work from the church. But there are all kinds of projects that can’t be done from the office. And like other modern workers, we answer emails and messages from our home computers and phones. The longer we stay in the job, the larger the projects we tackle.

So we have been working this way for a year now. Yesterday was a good example of what retirement looks like for me. After breakfast, I spent a few minutes at the computer answering emails and working at some long-term projects. Our youngest granddaughter, who doesn’t start kindergarten until next week, and her baby brother were dropped off at our house by their mother. She had some work to do and we invited the children to come to our house. Sometimes we provide a bit of childcare at their home, but it was more convenient for us to be at home yesterday. After a while, Susan headed to town for an appointment and I had the children on my own. Our granddaughter was playing with toys upstairs and other than stopping for a mid-morning snack was completely happy to play by herself. After a while the baby got tired, so I rocked him. He had a little trouble settling without his mother, so I sang to him. I have been working on memorizing a hymn to sing at a memorial service in a week, so it was a good time for me to go through it without any music several time. He is a very gentle music critic and went to sleep.

Here is where the retired part of my life is very delicious. I just sat in the rocking chair with the baby for an hour or more. I didn’t pay attention to the time. When his mother came to pick up the children, I recognized that she is too busy to just rock a sleeping baby. When the baby goes to sleep, she needs to get done chores that can’t be done when he is awake. I, on the other hand, could just sit without feeling the least bit guilty.

In the afternoon I had time to work at a project at the farm. I could have finished it, but I enjoy working at my own pace. I find there are some jobs that I do more precisely when I work slowly. This job involved measuring and digging and measuring again, so taking my time felt right. I’ll get that job finished today, but I quit before completing it. Then I stopped by at the house of a friend in the church for a brief call. I ended up staying for more than an hour because I could. I didn’t have to rush off to take care of another need, as would have been the case when I was working full time. I had no evening meetings, so there was plenty of time to toss a couple of burgers on the grill, eat a leisurely supper, go for a walk along the bay and enjoy the sunset, and still answer a few emails and text messages before settling into bed.

I’m still doing all of the things I used to do, but I’m doing less of them, working more slowly, and enjoying the pace. I don’t think I’m flunking retirement. For now it feels like a good balance.