One of the things about having invested a significant amount of time and energy as a suicide first responder for many years is that I have heard an incredible amount of stories about deep depression. People often need to tell the stories of their loved ones as they process the shock and grief of sudden and traumatic loss. Part of my job as a caregiver to those people is to listen to those stories. I know hundreds of stories of people who I have not met whose lives ended in suicide. My calling was to give comfort, resources, support and encouragement to those who were left behind and the work I did was about living and not about dying. On the whole the years I spend in that work gave me a great deal of hope. I was allowed to see healing that came after deep loss. I was privileged to journey with people as they rediscovered hope after some of the darkest days of their lives.

The stories of these people belong to the victims and not to me and it is not my place to tell those stories in this journal or elsewhere. Nonetheless those stories shape me even now that I have been retired from that work for over two years. I still think of those people and the losses they endured. I still read newspaper obituaries with a special sensitivity to suicide. I hear reports of death by suicide in our community and I have a definite emotional reaction to those tragedies. I will always be affected by grief that is not directly my own.

Over the years of working with survivors of suicide I also attended every training I could find about suicide prevention. I’ve used Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training techniques in several successful interventions with people who were seriously considering suicide.

As a result of so many years of working with and thinking about suicide, I can honestly say that I have never personally faced the kind of deep depression that settles into the lives of some people. I don’t mean to say that I have escaped feeling down. I don’t mean to say that I am not affected by the bleak headlines and stories of doom and gloom that surround us. I am well aware that my mental health demands constant care and attention. But somehow, by the grace of God, I have escaped the deep illness that is clinical depression. Having seen what I have seen and known the people that I know, I count myself as among the most fortunate to have so far escaped this illness.

At the beginning of my career, when I was an intern, I became aware of a study conducted at the University of Wisconsin in which people suffering from depression were treated by immersion in an exercise program. The results were very dramatic. In the study, a group of patients suffering from depression were treated with medication only. Another group were treated with talk therapy only. A third group was treated by engaging in a program of rigorous physical exercise. When those three groups were compared the group treated with exercise only showed a significantly higher rate of recovery and shorter times for recovery for victims. It was only one study and subsequent studies have shown the effectiveness of combining therapies. Patients treated with medication, talk, and exercise are among those for whom treatment is the most effective.

Knowing that exercise is an important element in treating depression, however, has been immensely helpful in my personal life. I know that there are times when I need to take a long walk, or paddle a canoe or kayak, or take a bike ride. I know how important regular exercise is in maintaining my mental health. I have learned to make regular physical exercise a part of my daily routine.

I am also aware that writing this journal is another important part of my mental health. I’ve been known to write my frustrations into this journal, but for the most part, I have found it to be an exercise in gratitude. There are so many positive things in my life and so many wonderful things that I have been privileged to see that I usually find an upbeat topic for my journal entries. Making an entry every day allows me to maintain my sense of balance.

There is a song by Alvin (A.P.) Carter made famous by the Carter Family singers and sung by other famous voices that accompanies me on my life journey and reminds me of how fortunate I am:

“There’s a dark and a troubled side of life
There’s a bright and a sunny side, too
though we meet with the darkness and strife
The sunny side we also may view.

“Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side
Keep on the sunny side of life
It will help us every day, it will brighten all the way
If we keep on the sunny side of life.

The song acknowledges that rough times and dark days are a part of human living. It doesn’t offer a simple panacea. However, it does assert that part of recovery from depression is a decision to look for the things in life that call us to joy. The third verse of the song is powerful to me:

“Let us greet with a song of hope each day
Though the moments be cloudy or fair
Let us trust in our Savior always
Who will keep everyone in His care.”

In a world of depressing headlines, signs of political extremism, predictions of catastrophe - in a world where human caused climate change brings fire and flood, severe storms and waves of climate refugees - in a world where the gap between the wealthy and the impoverished grows wider each day - it can be increasingly difficult to find a song of hope each day. It is, however, in this world that I am allowed to walk among the forest giants and breathe the sea air. It is in this same world that I can dip my paddle into calm waters and watch the reflection of sunrise and sunset. It is the same world where a snow capped mountain greets me as I drive to work.

Despite everything it remains true that there is a sunny side to this life. I’ll tell you stories of the joy and gratitude that are mine. And I’ll pray that you can find sunny stories to tell to the people you meet.