Our children were born in the early 1980’s which means that they were adults before the book and tradition of The Elf on the Shelf came out. We never read the book to our children and we didn’t have a toy elf that moved around the house. I don’t know much about the tradition other than what I have found on the Internet, but I have heard a few folks talk about it enough to know that we wouldn’t have gotten into the practice at our house had it existed when our children were little.

I have yet to read the book, so I am no authority on the practice, but as i understand it, the story tells of “scout elves” who visit homes to check on whether the children are naughty or nice. The elf remains still and doesn’t move or talk during the day when the children are awake. It observes from a fixed position in the house. Then at night, when the children are sleeping, the elf travels back to the North Pole to report to Santa on the children’s behavior, returning the next day, but positioning itself in a different place each day. Then on Christmas Eve, when Santa visits, the elf returns with Santa to the North Pole to remain there until the following December when the process repeats.

In order for the game to work, parents have to tell the story to the children, purchase the elf and place it around the house, moving it each night when the children are asleep.

My dis-ease with the practice applies to some of the other things that are associated with the celebration of Christmas. I love surprises, and enjoy participating in making surprises for children, but I’m very rigid about honesty and try not to perpetrate traditions that involve lying. Santa Claus was never a big deal at our house. We had gifts for our children that were from “Santa,” but when they asked, we said that the gifts were given anonymously as a sign of love at Christmas. Santa was, for our household, the spirit of Christmas Giving. When our children became old enough to ask about Santa, they were given the opportunity to place small gifts in Christmas stockings and participate in the giving and surprises. We read the Clement Moore poem about the visit from St. Nicholas and we told some of the legends of St. Nicholas to our children, but when they asked specific questions, we tried to always be hones in our answers.

I’m not a grinch who is out to steal Christmas fun. We read that story to our children, too. Children understand stories and fiction. They also turn to their parents for the truth and parents need to be steadfast in their truthfulness in order for children to learn the value of the truth. There is something that seems very wrong to tell the story of a spy who reports to Santa on who is naughty or nice, while the parents break the rules of the game (no one is to touch the elf) and lie about the elf every day. Lying isn’t nice in my book.

When children are very young - as young as 3 or 4 years old - they begin the process of internalizing moral behavior. Information about what is good and bad behavior comes from sources outside of themselves at first, but as preschoolers they have the opportunity to begin to develop internal controls for their behavior. As they grow they become more and more responsible for controlling their behavior. A three year old can understand that another person might feel pain. Throwing a block, pitching sand in the sand box, or biting another could be cause of pain. Refraining from such behaviors to prevent pain for another child is an important part of learning moral behavior. When children don’t internalize moral behavior, but only rely on sources outside of themselves to determine what is acceptable and what is not, they can learn to live by rules and may even succeed in rigid structures with severe consequences for stepping out of line, but true maturity involves choosing good behavior even when there is no risk of getting caught. Doing the right thing simply because it is the right thing is a sign of true maturity.

The elf on the shelf game retains that sense of outside controls for behavior. While it is probably a harmless game in many households, parents need to think carefully about participating in such practices. Questions remain for those who do promote the game: Is “naughty or nice” behavior only important in the weeks leading up to Christmas? Does Santa only care about how children behave in December? If a busy and often tired parent forgets to move the elf, do they have to invent a back story to explain why the elf wasn’t moved? If a child discovers the elf in a box, packed away with Christmas decorations, are there more stories that need to be told to explain why the elf isn’t at the North Pole? How does global warming and the melting of polar ice affect Santa’s operation in the first place.

It seems to me that it is far easier to tell children the truth when they ask and to introduce stories and fiction into their world along with their imagination play. Children can appreciate imaginary stories and still accept the truth about what is real and what is not from their parents. Parents don’t need to have elaborate back stories and stack lie upon lie in order to tell children that some things are pretend and games that are fun.

Last year, a judge in Cobb County, Georgia issued a harsh ban on the elf on the shelf game saying, “This Court finds ‘The Elf on the Shelf,’ hereinafter ‘Elves’ represent a distraction to school students and risk to the emotional health and well being of Cobb’s young children.” The judge went on to forbid The Elf on the Shelf from his county.

I don’t think we need judges telling families which games to play and which to avoid. I think that families are capable of establishing their own traditions and figuring out how to talk with their own children. Giving such attention to the practice seems a bit out of place for a judge. Still I understand his sentiment. The judge said the ban was his gift to tired parents.

I’m just glad that the practice never came up for our family when our children were at home. We enjoyed Christmas surprises without inventing mythical creatures to explain our behavior.