Sudden and traumatic loss
08/09/22 03:01
Years ago, I was involved in a training conducted by Dr. Frank Campbell, founder of the National Suicidology Training Center, and developer of the LOSS (Local Outreach to Survivors of Suicide) Team model of suicide postvention. Over my years of working with survivors of suicide, I attended many different trainings including several led by Dr. Campbell. The training that has been on my mind in the last week was a multiple day workshop on sudden and traumatic loss. Sudden loss grief is unique in many ways and walking with people in the midst of this type of grief is critical to their mental and physical health. Grief is not something that you get over, but the journey of grief can be eased somewhat by those who are willing to journey alongside grieving persons. Part of that journey can involve providing appropriate information on the progression of grief. Support groups are tremendously effective for those who have experienced sudden and traumatic loss because the experiences of others who also have had that experience can give insight into the process and offer understanding of what is going on with grieving individuals.
My training is on my mind because, along with many others in the world, my heart has been broken by the tragedies that have occurred on the James Smith Cree Nation in Saskatchewan. Early on Sunday morning, a series of attacks occurred in the small community that left ten people dead and 19 injured. Ten remain hospitalized with three in critical condition. The attacks were unexpected and it is unclear what might have prompted the horrors that unfolded. Police announced that they were seeking two suspects in the crime - brothers Myles Sanderson and Damien Sanderson. On Monday police found Damien’s body. Their announcement said that he died of injuries that could not have been self-inflicted. Then, yesterday afternoon, the news came that police had arrested Myles Sanderson. Shortly afterward the news came that Sanderson had experienced medical distress following his arrest. He was transported to the nearest hospital by a paramedic unit and pronounced dead at the hospital.
The community and the world are left with thousands of unanswered questions. And it appears that many of those questions will remain unanswered.
There is a collective sigh of relief that the perpetrators of this horror are no longer at large and it appears that there is no ongoing threat to the health and safety of other persons. However, as more news comes from the case there are many other emotions. In addition to shock, anger is emerging as people learn that Myles Sanderson had an extensive arrest record including 59 criminal convictions since he was 18, including convictions for assault, threats, and robbery. Two of the victims of Sunday’s rampage had previously been stabbed by Myles Sanderson. Sanderson was released from prison early in February while serving a four-year sentence for violent crimes.
I listened yesterday to CBC radio as it broadcast part of an interview with the mother of the two men. “I want to apologize for my son, my sons. We don’t know the whole story, but I want to apologize to everybody that was hurt and affected by this terrible situation.”
There is a world of hurt and grief on the James Smith Cree Nation, and recovery will come very slowly to the community. There are wounds that will not heal, and I am not just speaking of physical injury.
Everyone who has lost a loved one to death knows that no amount of time is ever enough with a loved one. But when the death is sudden and traumatic, as is the case with victims of murder and suicide, feelings of shock, disbelief, sadness, and anger are overwhelming. The survivors feel as if their entire world has fallen apart and become completely unpredictable.
As I work with grieving people, I hear the question “Why?” over and over again. One of the realities that I have to share with those who grieve is that it is likely that we will never be able to answer that question. Homicide, suicide, and other so called “unnatural” causes of death leave behind feelings of helplessness. Nightmares and flashbacks are normal. Survivors feel unsafe in public spaces and around people from outside of their immediate circle of support.
One thing that is not helpful for those who have experienced sudden and traumatic loss is the false promise that justice and closure are possible. It is a truth that I personally know. I lost a sister to murder. The man convicted of the crime died years ago. His incarceration did not end the grief. His death did not end the grief. It is natural for us to want to try to end or stop or dull grief for a suffering person, but throwing out a false hope is not helpful. Grief is painful and uncomfortable. It is not possible to make it easy.
When we work with people who are grieving, we need to continually remind ourselves that grief is an individual process. Different people grieve in different ways. Those walking with others in grief must try not to impose their ideas of what a person needs or a timeline for the processes after a loss. The primary task of a caregiver is to listen to what the grieving person needs. Sometimes those requests will come verbally. Most of the time they come otherwise through the symptoms exhibited by the grieving person.
I have never been to the James Smith Cree Nation, but I am confident that there are a lot of people there who have turned part of the grief upon themselves. “This is my fault. I could have prevented this. I should have been there.” Anger turned inward is a vicious and dangerous phenomenon. In the case of homicide and suicide the survivors frequently wonder, “Could this happen to me?” Their fear is difficult for them to express because it seems small in the face of the immensity of the tragedy that has unfolded. Sometimes it is easier to express self anger than it is to express fear.
There will never be a formula for dealing with the kind of tragedy that has unfolded. However, we can help those who are suffering by learning what we can of their lost loved ones and by remembering the tragedy that they can never forget. When we are with those who grieve, we can share silence, but we must never forget the grief that will remain forever. Only when we are honest in the face of the darkness can light begin to emerge. Only when we are able to remember are we able to peacefully move on and live.
My training is on my mind because, along with many others in the world, my heart has been broken by the tragedies that have occurred on the James Smith Cree Nation in Saskatchewan. Early on Sunday morning, a series of attacks occurred in the small community that left ten people dead and 19 injured. Ten remain hospitalized with three in critical condition. The attacks were unexpected and it is unclear what might have prompted the horrors that unfolded. Police announced that they were seeking two suspects in the crime - brothers Myles Sanderson and Damien Sanderson. On Monday police found Damien’s body. Their announcement said that he died of injuries that could not have been self-inflicted. Then, yesterday afternoon, the news came that police had arrested Myles Sanderson. Shortly afterward the news came that Sanderson had experienced medical distress following his arrest. He was transported to the nearest hospital by a paramedic unit and pronounced dead at the hospital.
The community and the world are left with thousands of unanswered questions. And it appears that many of those questions will remain unanswered.
There is a collective sigh of relief that the perpetrators of this horror are no longer at large and it appears that there is no ongoing threat to the health and safety of other persons. However, as more news comes from the case there are many other emotions. In addition to shock, anger is emerging as people learn that Myles Sanderson had an extensive arrest record including 59 criminal convictions since he was 18, including convictions for assault, threats, and robbery. Two of the victims of Sunday’s rampage had previously been stabbed by Myles Sanderson. Sanderson was released from prison early in February while serving a four-year sentence for violent crimes.
I listened yesterday to CBC radio as it broadcast part of an interview with the mother of the two men. “I want to apologize for my son, my sons. We don’t know the whole story, but I want to apologize to everybody that was hurt and affected by this terrible situation.”
There is a world of hurt and grief on the James Smith Cree Nation, and recovery will come very slowly to the community. There are wounds that will not heal, and I am not just speaking of physical injury.
Everyone who has lost a loved one to death knows that no amount of time is ever enough with a loved one. But when the death is sudden and traumatic, as is the case with victims of murder and suicide, feelings of shock, disbelief, sadness, and anger are overwhelming. The survivors feel as if their entire world has fallen apart and become completely unpredictable.
As I work with grieving people, I hear the question “Why?” over and over again. One of the realities that I have to share with those who grieve is that it is likely that we will never be able to answer that question. Homicide, suicide, and other so called “unnatural” causes of death leave behind feelings of helplessness. Nightmares and flashbacks are normal. Survivors feel unsafe in public spaces and around people from outside of their immediate circle of support.
One thing that is not helpful for those who have experienced sudden and traumatic loss is the false promise that justice and closure are possible. It is a truth that I personally know. I lost a sister to murder. The man convicted of the crime died years ago. His incarceration did not end the grief. His death did not end the grief. It is natural for us to want to try to end or stop or dull grief for a suffering person, but throwing out a false hope is not helpful. Grief is painful and uncomfortable. It is not possible to make it easy.
When we work with people who are grieving, we need to continually remind ourselves that grief is an individual process. Different people grieve in different ways. Those walking with others in grief must try not to impose their ideas of what a person needs or a timeline for the processes after a loss. The primary task of a caregiver is to listen to what the grieving person needs. Sometimes those requests will come verbally. Most of the time they come otherwise through the symptoms exhibited by the grieving person.
I have never been to the James Smith Cree Nation, but I am confident that there are a lot of people there who have turned part of the grief upon themselves. “This is my fault. I could have prevented this. I should have been there.” Anger turned inward is a vicious and dangerous phenomenon. In the case of homicide and suicide the survivors frequently wonder, “Could this happen to me?” Their fear is difficult for them to express because it seems small in the face of the immensity of the tragedy that has unfolded. Sometimes it is easier to express self anger than it is to express fear.
There will never be a formula for dealing with the kind of tragedy that has unfolded. However, we can help those who are suffering by learning what we can of their lost loved ones and by remembering the tragedy that they can never forget. When we are with those who grieve, we can share silence, but we must never forget the grief that will remain forever. Only when we are honest in the face of the darkness can light begin to emerge. Only when we are able to remember are we able to peacefully move on and live.
