Changing old habits

During my teenage years, I seemed to find jobs that involved scraping paint and sanding. One summer, I worked on my Uncle and Cousin’s farms. One of the jobs I was assigned was sanding a combine in preparation for paint. The combine had been purchased with some damage caused when it was being unloaded from a truck. My cousin had previously owned a body shop and often purchased vehicles and equipment that had been involved in accidents and repaired them for use on the farm. A combine is a big machine and I suppose I worked at sanding the combine for a couple of weeks. It was messy work and I’d be covered in dust from the sanding. The summer I sanded a combine became a bit of a family story that we joked and laughed about for many years afterward.

It wasn’t my only experience with sandpaper. A couple of years later I found myself preparing a couple of above ground fuel tanks for paint. We had constructed scaffolding around one of the tanks and I was working about 10 feet above ground level when I accidentally stepped off of a plank and fell. When I picked myself up, I realized that I had hit my elbow on the scaffolding as I fell. I also landed with a twisted leg and a sore knee. A check with the doctor revealed that there were no broken bones. I had done some nerve damage in my elbow and pulled some muscles and tendons in my leg. I was back at work on the project the next day. I was young and my body healed quickly.

For several years after that fall, I would get that “crazy bone” feeling in my elbow with the slightest touch. In addition, I would sometimes limp when I was tired. Sometimes a friend or family member would notice that I was limping and ask if I was OK. When they made me aware of my limping, I could stop limping right away. There was no injury remaining. I just reverted to a way of walking that I used while recovering from the fall. I didn’t need to limp. It was a habit.

I don’t remember how long it took me to break that habit, but I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t limping when I was tired a few years later, and I’ve gone through my life without a limp. I’ve been blessed with good health and haven’t suffered any major injuries that limit my mobility.

Sometimes I will take a short walk and a sense of gratitude comes over me at the joy of being able to walk. I have friends who have suffered injuries and have difficulty walking. I feel blessed to be able to walk without pain.

Last year I suffered an Achilles tendon injury. I’m not sure how the injury occurred, but I probably strained the muscles in my calf while walking or running without properly stretching first. Or perhaps I landed on my toes when jumping out of the bed of my pickup. I have no memory of an event when the injury occurred, but I experienced quite a bit of pain when lifting my toes on one of my feet. After consulting with a doctor, a few sessions of physical therapy and learning how to properly exercise the muscles in the back of my calm provided relief. I continue to do those exercises, but less frequently than I was doing them when I was seeing the physical therapist.

I’ve noticed, however, that when I am tired I will go down stairs one at a time instead of taking the steps in stride with each foot stepping on every other step. When I stop and think, I am able to go down the stairs, leading with either foot without experiencing any pain.

Our bodies seem to have a memory of pain and we will act to avoid pain even when there is no pain present. Like my old habit of limping, I now seem to have a habit of descending stairs one at a time leading with my left foot. I have a theory, untested by formal science, that most people have some habits formed by pain that remain after the source of pain is gone.

Psychological pain can be as intense as physical pain. People who have suffered psychological abuse develop habits of self defense that can make it more difficult for them to participate in community. Sometimes people are shy or reluctant in social situations because they have a memory of having been insulted or injured on a previous occasion. I’ve met people who grow quiet when faced with new relationships. It can be hard to get those folks to share when forming a new group or beginning a new class. There are others who talk nervously and might benefit from being quiet, but the habit of chattering on and on is a way of protecting themselves from pain or embarrassment. Frequently, I don’t know the stories of the people I meet. In the church, I might just notice a particular trait. This person always chatters on and on and will take up a lot of time in a meeting. That person will only speak up when invited. Another person might keep their ideas to themself during a meeting and then spill them out in a string of complaints after the meeting has concluded. There are a lot of quirks and habits to deal with when trying to share leadership in a group. As a pastor and teacher, I’ve met a lot of people with a lot of different personality traits.

It can be helpful for me to remember that some of those traits are the result of pain that was experienced in a different setting. When I understand that people are the way they are because of previous experiences, I am more tolerant of them and their behavior. It is a skill that requires practice. I’m grateful that there are people who are willing to overlook some of my quirks and personality traits, but I am also grateful when someone makes me aware of something in my personality of which I had not been conscious. The right nudge can help me break old habits and form new ones.

If you notice me behaving in an odd fashion, don’t hesitate to ask me about it. It might just be what I need to break an old habit. And when you get to be my age, you have had a lot of time to develop old habits.

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