Our youngest grandchild is seven weeks old today. Even when I am holding him, I find it difficult to remember precisely what our lives were like when we had a seven-week-old in our house. We have two children. It happened to us twice, but I can’t remember the precise details. I know that it seemed to me like our second child was awake in the night more often and therefore I lost more sleep when she was an infant. However, I confess that there were a lot of factors that make it difficult for me to remember accurately. Our first child was born to us and was breast-fed as an infant. Our second child is adopted. She was just over 4 weeks old when she came to live with us. She was fed with a bottle, which meant that I was able to participate in night time feedings in a way that was not possible with our first child. Another factor in my memory is that I was so very excited with the arrival of both of our children. That excitement gave me energy during those early weeks of learning to live together and care for the child.

I simply don’t remember details such as what was the longest time between wakefulness when our children were tiny. I don’t remember how many hours of sleep I got before my sleep was interrupted. I know it was interrupted many times. I remember being tired. When I look back, it seems like the time in my life when I was the most tired was during the early months of having our second child, but to be honest, I’m no longer sure.

I’ve always been fairly good at waking in the night and I’ve had lots of different reasons to be awake at night, only some of which had to do with being a parent.

I’ve been trying to remember a bit as I observe with wonder and deep appreciation the grace with which our son and daughter-in-law are providing care for their four children. We never had four children, so I don’t know the full extent of their workload, but it is easy to see that it is a very busy time in their household. Since we don’t live in the same house and since we aren’t at their house overnight, we don’t know how much sleep the parents are losing during the night, but it is safe to assume that they are losing some. What I can observe as a grandfather is that the baby tends to go through a fussy period in the late afternoon, just as his mother is trying to prepare dinner for the family. Our son has a lengthy commute from work, so at least five days a week it falls on our daughter-in-law to care for three children just home from school, and an infant, at the time when dinner needs to be prepared for the family. That’s a handful, so we try to drop by at that time about once a week to help a bit. Sometimes we can provide a bit of homework help for the older kids. Mostly what we do is hold a moderately fussy baby for an hour or so. His mother is good about feeding him when he is hungry and she is tuned into his eating cycle. We all know how to change a diaper. So his basic needs are met. He just doesn’t seem to want to lie in a bed or sit in an infant seat. He prefers to be held, rocked, and sometimes walked around the house. Grandparents are good at holding children when their parents are so busy that there aren’t enough hands.

One of the stories that my mother told me when we had infants in our house is that when I was a newborn, I figured out ways to self-comfort at a fairly young age. I was child number 4, but the spacing was different in our family, so my oldest sister was a teenager when I came along. Still, I’m pretty sure that our household was a busy place. My parents were readers, so I’m sure that they had read the various childcare books that were available at the time. They had no doubt heard of sleep training for babies and the practice of letting a child “cry it out” when their needs were met, but they just needed psychological comfort. Our house was pretty crowded during the first couple of years of my life, so I don’t think they had the luxury of having my crib in a different part of the house from where they slept, so I’m pretty sure I wasn’t left to cry very much. It isn’t the way my parents were anyway. But I guess there were times when I was put in my crib and I learned to suck my thumb and soothe myself a bit. I don’t remember.

It is going to take quite a few months before our little grandson is able to learn much about southing himself. Right now he cries when he is upset or just wants attention and there is usually someone to respond quickly to his crying. I can observe how much easier it is for his parents, however, when we are able to stop by and hold the baby. Holding a baby is very therapeutic for adults, so I am grateful for the opportunity. I find release from the worries of the world when I’m paying attention to the little one. I set aside my worries about global warming, the war in Ukraine, work stresses, undone household chores, financial worries, and other things. It is easy for me to just think about what is going on with the little one, whether or not he wants his pacifier, if he likes the creak of the rocking chair or prefers that I stand and rock him. He’s still a lightweight, so he isn’t hard to hold and sometimes he will snuggle against my shoulder in a way that takes away all of the stresses of life. And if that eases the workload for his mother just little bit, it is a worthy enterprise.

As far as I am concerned, we can wait for him to learn how to self-comfort. His grandpa likes to feel needed. Then again, I’m not drawing night duty at this phase of my life.