A bit less worry

A quick exchange of emails with a member of our church yesterday revealed something that I have noticed in other conversations with folks recently. The other person commented about having had a couple of days of increased anxiety recently caused by a potential exposure to Covid-19 and the subsequent test and wait for results. It turned out that this particular individual was not infected and had no illness. However, there were a few days of self-imposed isolation and worry that disrupted the usual level of activity and engagement with others.

It certainly seems that there is a lot more anxiety for people these days. The phenomena is of interest to me in part because I think I’m experiencing less anxiety than was the case a few years ago. I know that I worry less about my job performance and how others perceive me. I am more confident in my approach to work and the tasks assigned. I am much less to lie awake at night trying to solve problems in the church. I am sure that part of the shift is due to my changed role. Being semi-retired means that I have less responsibility than once was the case. I am no longer the senior pastor. In some ways the buck doesn’t stop here at my desk, and I am able to see myself as a member of a team where others share responsibility.

There is, however, a much more important shift in my life that has occurred. I think that I am less anxious in part because I am living with a heightened sense of gratitude. In the fall of 2019, a serious threat to my wife’s heath gave us a stark reminder of the fragility of life and the preciousness of the time that we have. I am deeply aware that since that time, I have felt as if we have been given a bonus. I knew that she could have died from that episode, but she did not. Instead, she has emerged from that time stronger and more healthy. As part of her recovery, we have been walking together every day and that practice has added a great deal to my quality of life while decreasing my anxiety in general.

Simply taking a walk every day gives me more opportunities to pay attention to the world around me. Often our walks take us to places of inspiring beauty. We walk in the forests filled with magnificent trees and fascinating undergrowth. We walk along the beach and listen to the waves as we look out onto the horizon. We look at thousands of migratory birds and are amazed at the variety of colors and shapes. Those experiences fill us with wonder and awe and leave less room for anxiety and worry. Jesus taught his disciples to take time to consider the flowers in a field as a way of releasing worry. We find that just being outdoors in nature helps us discover balance in our emotions.

Not every walk is filled with a conscious sense of awe, however. Yesterday there was more than a foot of snow on the ground and the wind had blown it into drifts that were even higher. There was little traffic on the streets of our neighborhood and most of the sidewalks had not been shoveled. We walked in the middle of neighborhood streets where a few cars had passed and packed down the snow, making passage a bit easier. The snow was pretty and the day was fresh without being too cold. But most of what we were seeing were things with which we were familiar. Interestingly, however, we talked to strangers quite a bit more than usual. Each place we found people shoveling snow prompted brief conversations. Other walkers seemed a bit more inclined to pause and say hello that is the case other days. A snow day in the neighborhood was a kind of day off for everyone that opened people to a bit more awareness of the others. Maybe we all were dropping a few of our assumptions and looking freshly at the world around us.

Today will be different. Overnight the temperatures have risen to the mid forties and it is raining. Rain showers are forecast for much of the day today. We’ll likely find a time when it isn’t raining. The melting snow will give us access to paths that yesterday were filled with drifted snow. We’ll be able to walk a bit faster than yesterday. We will still greet others as we go, but the mood will be different. People will be hurrying to get to work, run errands, and complete other tasks that yesterday were put on hold due to the weather. Families may be scrambling with schedules, returning to work and school after a couple of unexpected days off.

Our lives won’t be much different. It looks like we’ll get out for appointments and errands today, but we aren’t much behind in our work because we have been able to work remotely and meet with folks over the computer despite the weather. Our planned family dinner to celebrate Epiphany will work out fine this evening. Besides, we are partly retired. We simply don’t have as many meetings and events in our lives as was the case a few years ago.

I think that my experience of less stress in my life is due in part to a shift in my perspective. In my work life, I am less in charge. My role has diminished. I have a bit more time to go out into the natural world, where I am reminded of how small I am in the vastness of the universe. Walking among tall trees or along the shore of a vast ocean reminds me that there is much in this world that is truly grand. Perhaps I feel just a little bit less significant. But when I am less focused on myself, my own goals, my own needs, and my own thoughts, I become more aware of others. When I walk with my partner, I take more notice of what she is experiencing.

There are many teachings in scripture that advise believers to release worry. “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” “Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink.” In this time of increased worry and stress, disciplines that release stress and help us to worry less are genuine blessings. For those blessings I am truly grateful.

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