Life's different paces

I have been reading a few of my journal entries from a few years ago. It is possible, though not easy, to access all of my journal entries since 2007 on my web site. The volume of so many essays makes searching slow, however. When I complete my new archive page, entries will be much easier to find and will load much faster. Although initially entries will be searchable only by date, plans are underway for other ways to search the database of documents. This is behind the scenes work that makes no difference to daily readers of my journal.

The process of this work, however, has offered me the opportunity to read about the events of my life 15 years ago. It is pretty interesting reading for me. I had forgotten how much things have changed in that period of time. One of the things that has shifted is the pace of my life. I feel like I am remaining engaged and active in this period of semi-retirement, but when I read the journal entires I realize that there have been times in my life when I was a lot busier.

In 2007, for example, I was serving on the corporate board of Local Church Ministries of the United Church of Christ, a national board that had two meetings each year in Cleveland, Ohio. I served on two sub committees of that board that required additional meetings and travel. In addition, I was serving as an educational consultant and traveling with that work. I was also the vice-moderator of the South Dakota Conference, with meetings in various locations around the state. We were preparing for the 2008 annual meeting, which was held in Yankton. Yankton is 365 miles from Rapid City and on at least two occasions that year I drove to Yankton for meetings and returned the same day - 12 hours of driving in addition to the meetings. I was also teaching classes in the Cotner College program for licensed ministers that were held at Hastings College in Nebraska that year. That is 450 miles one way from Rapid City. I would drive down on a Friday, teach Friday night and Saturday until 3 pm, then drive back to Rapid City and lead worship on Sunday morning. All of those activities were above and beyond my duties as a pastor and my work in my local community as a sheriff’s chaplain and a member of our city’s suicide response team. I was actively engaged in our congregation’s Habitat for Humanity project - a duplex home for two families. I participated in our firewood delivery projects. Just reading about what I was doing is a bit exhausting.

In comparison, I’m nowhere near as busy these days. I serve on one national board and that board has all of its meetings online and requires no physical travel. I am not on any Conference committees. My work at the local church is half time. Most weeks I only go to the church office three days.

You’d think, on the surface, that I would have lots of time for my own projects. Yet, in 2007, I launched a boat in the fall that took me less than a year to complete. My current boat project has been underway for seven years and I am not completely certain that I will get it finished this year.

The bottom line is pretty simple. I’ve slowed down.

That isn’t a bad thing. I’ve known for some time that when I give myself time to think and read and reflect I can be more focused and more precise with my energies. There is a lot that I was doing 15 years ago that was not productive. I spent a huge amount of time traveling. Although the activities took place at a phase when we had no children at home and our parents were in good health so that we weren’t involved in elder care, I wasn’t investing much time in family and the primary relationships in my life. Those relationships are worth the increased time that I give them these days.

I have noticed that when I get to the end of a day’s activities, I have energy to sit and read a book for a while. Sometimes I just sit and think for a few minutes. I used to be fast asleep within minutes of the end of the evening’s last activities. There are mornings when I linger over breakfast. I take time to go for a walk with my wife every day.

The slower pace agrees with me a great deal. At the time, I thought that all of those activities were important. I felt like I was needed in the places where big decisions were being made. I struggled to make wise decisions and provide leadership in areas of church life where I felt like I was contributing. Looking back, I know that I had very little impact on the decisions that were made at the time. There have always been others who were willing to step up and take my place.

I don’t mind not being on call 24 hours a day. I enjoy staying home some days. I have time to read books with my grandchildren. I even have time to read through old journal entries, trying to organize some of the stories of my life.

Developmental psychologists assert that the years after age 65 or so are often devoted to looking at life from a broader perspective. Our minds seek to draw together the various elements of our lives into a whole. We seek to understand the connections between a lot of different activities and relationships. We pursue integrity. I am enjoying the view from this vantage point. I am much more able to recognize my biases and inconsistencies. I am more consistent in establishing priorities. I am less fearful of making mistakes. I probably am making more mistakes and am more aware of my mistakes, but I am also more forgiving of myself and others.

I have no desire to go back to the way things were. I’m at home in my new pace of life. I can even imagine days ahead when I slow down a little bit more. But all of that will come in due time. Right now, I’ve got a long list of things I want to do today.

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