Recently our Australian guests encountered another family from Australia in the parking lot while we were touring a local attraction. They exchanged the greeting “G’day.” As Americans, that phrase is iconic Australian speak. It was interesting, however, to witness Australians use it as an identifier. It is hard for an outsider such as myself to distinguish between genuine Australian slang and the commercialized images of movies and other media. Not long after we became good friends with Australians and learned a few slang phrases and differences between Australian English and American English, the actor Paul Hogan appeared in a series of advertisements inviting people to visit Australia. After the passage of years, I am never quite sure what is genuine Australian speak and what is an image projected by the television and movie industry.

The School of Literature, Languages and Linguistics of the Australian National University College of Arts & Social Sciences, maintains an online dictionary of Australian words and idioms. It reports that the use of g’day originated in the 1880s, but that it rose to international prominence through the Paul Hogan advertisement of the 1980s.

There is one Australian phase that I have picked up and use routinely that I believe is genuine. I’ll say “no worries,” when someone apologizes or in other situations where I need to let someone know that I’m not upset. I remember clearly our family conversations while traveling in Australia in 2006 about that phrase. We witnessed a small fender bender car accident and the drivers were conversing following the accident, perhaps waiting for the police to come to investigate. One driver said to the other, “No worries, mate.” If the phrase could be used to diffuse emotions in what was obviously a tense situation, it might have real value. Sometimes when I am in situations where i’m experiencing stress, I remember that phrase and using it helps to diffuse the stress.

Australians also use the phrase in place of “you’re welcome.” When one thanks another, the response is often, “no worries.”

Australians, who seem to love to blend sounds and shorten words, sometimes shorten “no worries” to “nurries.” Then again, there are Australians who say, “no wuckers.” I have no idea how they got that from the original phrase. Then again, I’m not Australian. I just got the leather hat from a shop when I was visiting as a tourist.

The phrase, of course, is more than just words. It is an expression of a generally laid back lifestyle where people choose not to get upset. Maybe my use of “no worries,” is a gentle reminder to myself that there are lots of situations where I don’t need to be upset. I’m not declaring that my life is free of worries, rather that the situation in question isn’t one of my worries.

It has been a delight for us to have a couple of Australians staying in our home once again. Part of the joy is sharing memories, looking at old photographs, and telling stories. Part of the joy is catching up with how things are going in our lives. We’ve been friends for nearly half a century and we have a lot of stories to tell. Another part of the joy is having a bit of that laid-back Australian attitude: no worries.

There are experiences and relationships that go beneath the surface. More than just stories to tell, they shape our personalities. I think that our Australian friends have touched us more deeply than just the way we occasional use words. Our relationship with them has shaped our personalities. At least I hope it has. I admire many of the qualities and personality traits of our Australian friends. I would be pleased if another person recognized some of my words or actions as being influenced by my Australian friendships.

I haven’t yet felt a reason to pursue one of the popular DNA tests that report on one’s ethnic and geographic heritage. I think that I have a pretty good idea what such a test might report about me, but it just hasn’t been something that has captured my interest. Although I understand how our genetic heritage shapes who we are, I don’t believe that it can tell the whole story. As important to my personality as genetics are the experiences of a lifetime of making friends, learning about other cultures, and being influenced by the ideas and actions of others. I believe that who I am is shaped by the friendships I have nurtured. It is shaped by the travels I have made. It is shaped by the people I have loved. I am who I am in part because of who my parents were, but also because of who I have known. How I have been shaped by other people is more interesting to me than the specifics of my genetic heritage.

Having grown up in a family with adopted children and being a father of an adopted daughter has taught me that family reaches beyond genetics. I treasure the presence of our children in my life regardless of how they became part of our family. I don’t think I am any less of a father to our adopted daughter than I am to our son who was born to us.

We can’t chose our genetics. They are given to us. But we can exercise choice in the friends with whom we associate and the care with which we nurture those relationships. So I am intentional about using the phrase “no worries.” It represents something about me that I want to nurture and express to others. It helps me to release small irritations and focus on the important things in life. It is a symbol of deep and lasting friendships. It is a part of who I am because of the people I have known.

Who knows, I may start greeting others by saying g’day. I could do worse with my choice of words. And it it helps me strike up a conversation with a stranger in a parking lot, it will be worth having been influenced by dear friends.