Using words carefully

Throughout our adult lives, we have shared a passion for language and the careful use of words. Before we went to seminary, we became aware of the limitations of traditional ways of speaking of God. While traditional prayers, including the Lord’s prayer, used male references to God and provided meaningful ways to speak and think about God, we discovered that God is not limited by a single gender. The Bible is full of references to God’s nurturing and uses phrases such as “like a mother hen.” We started to use inclusive language when speaking of God and avoided gender specific language. Later, as we became pastors, we met people who had experienced abuse from fathers and for whom the image of “father” made it difficult for that person to think of God. Their experiences made us even more careful when crafting prayers and sermons to speak of God.

Throughout our careers, however, we have met many faithful people who are less fastidious about the use of gender when speaking of God. We have participated in worship when God was referred to as “him” or as “father” and those uses of language, while not what we choose to use, were not significant barriers to our ability to worship. In the United Church of Christ, there was a national awareness of language throughout the 1970s and 1980s and the Book of Worship and the New Century Hymnal were developed as inclusive language worship resources through a large national effort.

We have noticed that some of the younger clergy in our denomination are less precise and less careful in their use of gender-specific words when referring to God. Because we invested so many years being so careful with our language, we really notice when a younger clergy person seems to be unaware of the long history of choosing inclusive language when speaking of God.

It has been several decades since Susan and I met the first person who came out to us as transsexual. It was a bit awkward and a challenge for us when we were asked to switch from the male pronouns he and him to she and her. In that particular case there was also a name change to which we had to adjust. We made mistakes and sometimes used the wrong name or pronoun, but it didn’t take us long before we were able to use the language desired. Over the years we met others who were transitioning and it became easier. After a while some of our friends who were transsexual simply assumed their gender and we began to stop thinking of that person in the former identity.

It has been much more recent in our experience that we have come to know individuals who are non-binary in their gender identity. Within the last five years or so we have come to know a few individuals who don’t see themselves as exclusively male or female. They have asked us to use the plural pronouns they and them when referring to them. We have tried to remain aware of our use of language and learn the new to us references. We have made a few mistakes, but in general, it has not been hard for us to learn to use the language precisely.

Throughout our lives we have had to learn to use new words and to use words in new ways. The number of words in the English language is constantly growing. Many of the new words are scientific and technical terms, but our awareness has been expanded by learning a few words in other languages and sometimes we adopt those words into our speaking because we find them to be more precise than English words. Learning new ways to speak is part of the human experience and we enjoy the challenge of learning new words and using them in appropriate ways.

Remembering how using gender inclusive language when talking about God helped us be more precise in our speaking and preaching in the early years of our careers, Susan and I have occasional conversations about the choices of language used by younger preachers when we hear them in worship. It is common for us to discuss not only the ideas of a sermon we have heard together, but also the use of langue and the preaching style of the minister. Having both invested our professional careers as ministers and now both being older than most ministers actively serving in parish positions, we have a lot in common with each other and share a unique perspective on the sermons of others. As such, we both have a request for some of the younger preachers serving the church. Just like it takes special care to use inclusive language when speaking of God and just like it is important to use appropriate pronouns when speaking of individual persons, it is important for preachers to choose words that enable their sermons to come from and connect to the congregation who listens to those sermons. In that light, if young preachers were to ask for our advice, and I doubt that they would, I would suggest that they use the same care in choosing their first person pronouns as they do in using second person pronouns. When preachers use “I” instead of “We” they place themselves in a different category than the congregation they serve. While the personal is important in preaching, it is also important to speak from the midst of the people.

Part of the problem stems from the increased specialization in ministry. We always preached from a pastoral perspective because we were constantly engaged in pastoral ministry. We were shaped by the congregations we served. We visited grieving families and carefully crafted funeral services in the same week as we preached to the whole congregation. We made hospital calls and home visits and were influenced by the celebrations and trials of those we served when we planned worship. Some contemporary pastors have assistants who serve as chaplains or as educators and specialize in administrative ministries. Their preaching comes less from the whole experience of the congregation.

As retired clergy, it is not our place to criticize other pastors and we are careful with what we say. However, we have invested so much in carefully choosing words that we notice the choices made by others. We hope they will learn to be even more careful in their use of language as they gain experience.

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