Settling into retirement
19/10/20 01:25
“You must be excited about your new adventure.” Is is a phrase that I have heard from several friends and acquaintances as we are beginning our retirement. It is interesting that I haven’t seemed to be too excited about certain parts of the process, while other things have made me quite excited. It is certainly the truth that I have mixed emotions about it all. I can’t tell how much the coronavirus pandemic has affected it all, because retiring in the midst of the pandemic is my only experience. The process, however, does involve grief.
I remember my uncle who had a good job as an electrician in a paper mill. Many years before he retired, he started to talk about retirement. He was really looking forward to being able to stop going to work each day and pursue some of his interests outside of work. It seemed like every time we were together for many years all he ever talked about what how much he didn’t like his job and how wonderful his life would be when he retired. When he retired he did do some good things. He build a new cabin at the lake where they owned property. He traveled around the country in his motorhome. He sailed his boat. He enjoyed his grandchildren. His life didn’t seem bad at all in retirement. He also changed his style of conversation. Instead of complaining about his job, he complained about politics or the government. He didn’t seem like an unhappy guy, but he always needed to have something about which to complain it seemed. Since I have a different perspective on politics than he, we would sometimes argue, but it was always good natured and with respect and love for each other. I thought he had some poorly-informed ideas and convictions, but I was glad to have him for an uncle and a part of our family.
It is different for me, however. I didn’t have a job that I hated. I didn’t even dislike my job. I loved the work that I was doing. I looked forward to the challenges and opportunities of serving a congregation that I had grown to love. For much of my career and especially since turning 60 years old, I thought that I would work full time to the age of 70. I have good health. I’ve kept up with continuing education and still have relevant job skills. I was serving a congregation where my ministry was accepted and my leadership was appreciated. But we are not always in control of the timing of our lives. We reached a point in the life of the church where learning to accept new leadership was important to the congregation. It is important that churches not become personality cults where people join the minister instead of the congregation. Each minister has a particular skill set that matches particular needs in the life of the congregation. My 67th birthday turned out to be the right time to make a move from the congregation to open up the church to new leadership and a new examination of how it chooses to shape its future.
So there is grief for me in leaving a congregation I love and a job I enjoy. But the truth is that there aren’t many congregations who want to hire a 67-year old for a short-term ministry. I have not received official Interim Minister training. My skills lie in long term relationships, not short term ministries. Retirement makes sense for my situation.
Then if there was any doubt in my mind, we had a health scare. A year ago my wife had a heart rhythm issue and she didn’t respond well to the medications that are normally used for that disorder. She ended up on a ventilator in the ICU. However, her recovery has gone remarkably well. The condition could be addressed with a surgery and we are now both in excellent health and don’t have to take many medications. We are very lucky on that score, but we have been reminded in terms we cannot ignore that we are not immortal. We do not go on forever. We live our lives in a particular time frame. Retirement makes sense for us because there are a lot of things we want to do and we know that the timing is fast and short.
We are leaving jobs that we loved and a home that we loved in a place that we loved living. There is nothing wrong with the things we have chosen to leave behind. We are moving not because of the place we are leaving, but because of the place we are going. We are delighted that we will be moving to a place that is closer to our grandchildren. We are excited about being able to be part of their lives on a more regular basis. We are intrigued by the adventures of our son and his family and we are excited to be able to travel to be with our daughter and her family more often than was the case in the past.
It has been hard for us to feel connected to a new church family because many congregations are not meeting face to face due to the pandemic. We have participated in online church, but it isn’t the same as getting to know the people and finding our place in a congregation. Connecting with a congregation will be another challenge of retirement for us.
The answer is, “Yes, I am excited.” But it isn’t quite the same as the excitement I felt when we left Montana to go to grad school in Chicago. It isn’t quite the same as the excitement I felt when we accepted the call to our first congregations in rural North Dakota. It isn’t quite the same as the excitement I felt when our son was born or when we adopted our daughter. It isn’t quite the same as the excitement I felt at the births of our grandchildren. I’m not jumping for joy or dancing in the street. I am happy. I do feel fortunate. I am grateful for all that God continues to do in our lives.
And today, surrounded by boxes with a “to do” list that is longer than the hours in the next day, I feel equal to the challenge. It is good to feel a new sense of purpose and direction.
Onward!
I remember my uncle who had a good job as an electrician in a paper mill. Many years before he retired, he started to talk about retirement. He was really looking forward to being able to stop going to work each day and pursue some of his interests outside of work. It seemed like every time we were together for many years all he ever talked about what how much he didn’t like his job and how wonderful his life would be when he retired. When he retired he did do some good things. He build a new cabin at the lake where they owned property. He traveled around the country in his motorhome. He sailed his boat. He enjoyed his grandchildren. His life didn’t seem bad at all in retirement. He also changed his style of conversation. Instead of complaining about his job, he complained about politics or the government. He didn’t seem like an unhappy guy, but he always needed to have something about which to complain it seemed. Since I have a different perspective on politics than he, we would sometimes argue, but it was always good natured and with respect and love for each other. I thought he had some poorly-informed ideas and convictions, but I was glad to have him for an uncle and a part of our family.
It is different for me, however. I didn’t have a job that I hated. I didn’t even dislike my job. I loved the work that I was doing. I looked forward to the challenges and opportunities of serving a congregation that I had grown to love. For much of my career and especially since turning 60 years old, I thought that I would work full time to the age of 70. I have good health. I’ve kept up with continuing education and still have relevant job skills. I was serving a congregation where my ministry was accepted and my leadership was appreciated. But we are not always in control of the timing of our lives. We reached a point in the life of the church where learning to accept new leadership was important to the congregation. It is important that churches not become personality cults where people join the minister instead of the congregation. Each minister has a particular skill set that matches particular needs in the life of the congregation. My 67th birthday turned out to be the right time to make a move from the congregation to open up the church to new leadership and a new examination of how it chooses to shape its future.
So there is grief for me in leaving a congregation I love and a job I enjoy. But the truth is that there aren’t many congregations who want to hire a 67-year old for a short-term ministry. I have not received official Interim Minister training. My skills lie in long term relationships, not short term ministries. Retirement makes sense for my situation.
Then if there was any doubt in my mind, we had a health scare. A year ago my wife had a heart rhythm issue and she didn’t respond well to the medications that are normally used for that disorder. She ended up on a ventilator in the ICU. However, her recovery has gone remarkably well. The condition could be addressed with a surgery and we are now both in excellent health and don’t have to take many medications. We are very lucky on that score, but we have been reminded in terms we cannot ignore that we are not immortal. We do not go on forever. We live our lives in a particular time frame. Retirement makes sense for us because there are a lot of things we want to do and we know that the timing is fast and short.
We are leaving jobs that we loved and a home that we loved in a place that we loved living. There is nothing wrong with the things we have chosen to leave behind. We are moving not because of the place we are leaving, but because of the place we are going. We are delighted that we will be moving to a place that is closer to our grandchildren. We are excited about being able to be part of their lives on a more regular basis. We are intrigued by the adventures of our son and his family and we are excited to be able to travel to be with our daughter and her family more often than was the case in the past.
It has been hard for us to feel connected to a new church family because many congregations are not meeting face to face due to the pandemic. We have participated in online church, but it isn’t the same as getting to know the people and finding our place in a congregation. Connecting with a congregation will be another challenge of retirement for us.
The answer is, “Yes, I am excited.” But it isn’t quite the same as the excitement I felt when we left Montana to go to grad school in Chicago. It isn’t quite the same as the excitement I felt when we accepted the call to our first congregations in rural North Dakota. It isn’t quite the same as the excitement I felt when our son was born or when we adopted our daughter. It isn’t quite the same as the excitement I felt at the births of our grandchildren. I’m not jumping for joy or dancing in the street. I am happy. I do feel fortunate. I am grateful for all that God continues to do in our lives.
And today, surrounded by boxes with a “to do” list that is longer than the hours in the next day, I feel equal to the challenge. It is good to feel a new sense of purpose and direction.
Onward!
