I remember a trip as a young adult. I was driving my car in Eastern Montana when the water pump seized up. I managed to get the car to a shop where it was say to see what the problem was, but there wee no parts available in that town. I had to wait for a new water pump to arrive on the bus and delay my trip until it arrived. It wasn’t the most difficult problem I’ve ever faced while traveling, but at the time it was daunting. At one point in the process, I called my father, who was sympathetic to my problem, but who said, “I can’t fix a car over the phone.” Somehow that phrase stuck with me long after the issue was resolved and even long after that particular car had been replaced. It came to my mind when our children were young adults and I found myself in a similar situation to that of my father many years before. I was not where the problem that they were facing was. They had to come up with their own solution because I was in no position to solve the problem for them. I think I even used my father’s line once in a phone call with our son.

I have been impressed with our children and their abilities to face and overcome problems. Our daughter and her husband sold their cars and bought different ones when they were transferred from Missouri to Japan. They drive on the other side of the road in Japan and cars with the steering wheel on the right hand side are the norm. They made their decisions and managed the transactions without need input from me. Our son is currently dealing with having both of their cars damaged in accidents. Neither accident was caused by them. One car was damaged when a left-turning driver didn’t allow enough room to complete his maneuver. The other was hit from the rear when stopped by a driver who was impaired by drug use. No people were injured in either accident, but both cars need t0 b in the shop at the same time and so, in my son’s words, “we’re into the rental car lifestyle.” I can’t help but wish I were closer and able to help, but my help isn’t needed. They know how to set priorities, make decisions and solve problems.

I am an incredibly fortunate person to have such capable children. We raised our children in love but we also raised them to be independent. We allowed them to make decisions and even to make mistakes when they were growing up. We talked to them about responsibility and they took their lessons to heart.

It doesn’t mean that we no longer have a role in their lives. We are kept in the loop. We have plenty of communication. We are consulted on some decisions. And we enjoy great freedom in our relationships with our grandchildren. But I am aware that my role in my children’s lives is changing.

The flow of generations is an amazing thing. We had the good fortune of having a period of caring for aging parents after our children were grown. Instead of going directly to the empty nest stage, we had a time when my mother lived in our home and we had substantial responsibilities for my father in law. That was a rich and meaningful time in our lives.

Now, in a way that seems to have come quickly, we are the oldest generation in the family. We have become the elders. When I was younger and thought about this phase of my life, I imagined that I might feel wise, having collected a lifetime’s worth of experiences. I imagined that I would be able to pull the right book off of my shelf and recommend it to a child or grandchild. I’ve got lots of books on my shelves that probably need to be pulled off and sold or given away. I read more books off of my tablet computer than I do in paper form these days. And I receive more recommendations about what to read from others than I hadn’t out. After all, our son is a librarian.

Moreover the world is changing so quickly that much of my experience and knowledge is not directly applicable to the situations that younger people face. Knowing how to diagnose a failed water pump in a 1966 Opel Kadette isn’t a skill that my grandchildren are going to need. Electric cars don’t need water pumps.

All the same, living in a multiple generation community is an amazing experience. The exchange of information and wisdom is not a one-way street. We learn as much from those who are younger as we contribute to their learning.

Our society has a tendency to segregate by age. There are very few true multiple-generation institutions. We tend to gather into groups of people who are of a similar age to our own. The church, however, offers a true intergenerational community. My life is enriched by nearly constant contact with people who are older than I and those who are younger. In my own family, I’m the oldest generation. At church, I get to have conversations with a man who is 30 years older than I. When I’m feeling a bit lonely for my grandchildren, who live a long way away, there is always a young parent with a baby that I can hold. Our community has people at all stages of life.

Of course we share common beliefs. We are drawn together to worship together. We are a church. But we couldn’t be the church if we were all the same age. One of the stories we share is about Moses and the people of Israel wandering in the desert for 40 years before they entered the promised land. Maybe that they had to learn the lesson that the promises of God are never to one generation only. Maybe they had to learn to listen to those who were younger and had new ideas. Maybe some members of the community had to grow older and wiser.

Our lives take place in time and span generations. How fortunate we are to have others to help us see that there is more to life than just our own experience.

Copyright (c) 2019 by Ted E. Huffman. I wrote this. If you would like to share it, please direct your friends to my web site. If you'd like permission to copy, please send me an email. Thanks!